Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
