so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
