For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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