My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
