He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
