I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
