Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
