So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
