You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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