i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
