So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
