Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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