We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
