I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
