i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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