it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
