I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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