There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
