"it" just moved
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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