i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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