it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
