wat bout pragnant strippers??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize