my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
