Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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