You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All the doctor said was why
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
