i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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