ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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