How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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