I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
