I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
