It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
