I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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