On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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