U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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