so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
