oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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