so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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