Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
