So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
