hell yes lets make some ravioli
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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