I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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