I puked a lego.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
