Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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