Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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