He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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