why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
