That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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