Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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