i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
