And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
