I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your tits are I can't wait for
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
