Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
