My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
