i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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