Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
