shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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