Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
