I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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