I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
