remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
