i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
