youre lurking in front of me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
