need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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