mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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