that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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