remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
