google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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