is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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