i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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