Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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