did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
