you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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