It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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