I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
