1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
