I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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