Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
