Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Someone shit on the floor
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
