I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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