Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
