You're my little dorito
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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