you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
