the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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